My time at my current apartment is coming to an end. By Friday I’ll be moved into a new place with April and Jana, leaving my home of nearly two years behind. I’ve had so many unforgettable experiences while living here that it certainly feels like starting afresh. I’m looking forward to being in a new environment, but I’ve so many memories associated with this home that it will be strange to leave it.

Saturday night I had a dream that seems to have sprung from the messy alchemy of having the history of this home on my mind. I was visiting with a girl who etched beautiful, mysterious and bewildering pieces of that history on the surfaces of these rooms. In a short time she defined and contrasted the life lived here more than anyone who visited me.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, the dream itself was set somewhere entirely unlike here. She was living in an amalgam place, a city formed of geography, architecture and culture that should not mesh but did. It was shards of Florence, Quebec, Baroda, Rabat and other cities, entwining down each street and alley. Alive with people, but uncrowded, it seemed intoxicatingly ambrosial.
We walked, sharing lively conversation about travels, discoveries, and personal unfoldings. There was a sense of strange newness to the encounter, as though the familiarity was in the background of deeply altered selves. I was face to face with and as mystery.
Later, in the foggy time of dream, we were swimming in vibrant waters along a coastline. We entered into shallow caves and I discovered a shard of amethyst. I showed it to her and she warmly shrugged, then nonchalantly opened her mouth and let fall numerous red, green and blue gemstones. It seemed she outpaced me at every point.

Yesterday I read through Davy Rothbart’s The Lone Surfer of Montana, Kansas and had my heart broken, lit up and left dizzy. It was everything I had hoped for from the creator of Found Magazine; the stories collected in Davy’s first book resonate with those same emotive vibrations that Found conjured with its collected lost pieces of lives. Though this was fiction, the stories were so raw, real, strange and beautiful that they might as well be the stories of our neighbours.
There were many moments in the stories I was moved deeply by. The first time I had to stop and wonder for a second if he’d been seeing into my own life was in “A Black Dog,” during which I had to scramble to jot down “77″ so that I could return to one passage that reminded me of my own experiences so eerily I couldn’t shake the feeling.

And so it went through the rest of the book, culminating in “Elena,” a gritty, wrenching, ugly and at times tender story of a young man tied up in low organized crime across the US and Mexican border, with beatings, prostitution and theft in contrast and entangled with a sweet young girl and the children she cared for.
Don’t skip the precious few hours of these raw and beautiful stories. The reward for me was so great that I would rank it as the most densely pleasing and moving read I’ve had this year. If any book can reveal the inner turmoil and hope of America in 162 pages, this is it.

Integral Institute has been doing some really exciting things as it works to break into the mainstream and create some vital change throughout the world. A piece of this is Holons, I-I’s fresh news magazine, a simple and exciting website that organizes news stories and websites within the four quadrants and culture under altitude, giving us a clear and intuitive look at AQAL. If you’re interested in finding artistic work from the new avant garde, some inspired websites or interesting news all filtered by a brilliant editorial team, look no further than Holons.

I was thrilled to see Mark Z. Danielewski’s House of Leaves listed on Holons in the culture section as a Turquoise or Integral altitude work of art. I read it for the first time about 6 years ago when I was in high school and it dazzled me completely with its complexity, brilliance and sheer beauty. Reading the book was one of the most important experiences I have had with a book or any other piece of art, and I was so thankful to have found it. Everyone I’ve shared the book with has loved it, and my copies keep going missing when I let friends and family borrow them, a testament to its greatness, I’d say. It’s a supernova of a novel, unlike any other and pushing the boundaries of the medium.
I’ve recommended House of Leaves countless times, but you don’t have to take my word for it now. I-I gave it a plug and dharmapop icon Stuart Davis has been recommending it, though he finds it a bit over-written. Maybe he hasn’t caught on to that being the intent yet, a move that Ken Wilber’s Boomeritis shenanigans reminded me of later.

Mark’s next novel, Only Revolutions, is to be released in September, and I am endlessly thrilled to know I’ll soon be able to read it. The premise has me very excited.

If you visit the inventive official site you can hear Mark reading a deliciously stunning passage, learn more about the book and find other bits about Mark, his sister Poe and their bodies of work.

The bleeding, starry edge is wonderful.

Wednesday afternoon I headed out to the Halifax International Busker Festival, one of Halifax’s most exciting annual events. Buskers, as folks around here call it, is an 11-day festival of street performances held on the waterfront and hosts a wide range of acts, from musicians to gymnasts and magicians to comedians. I’ve been to the festival many times over the years and have enjoyed some excellent performances unlike any I’ve found elsewhere.
I met up with my sister Ilea, her friend Kat, Allison, Andrew, Sara, and brought April along for the events, so I had a nice group of people to take in the festivities with. After meeting with everyone, utilizing the infamous tongue-wave (01, 02) as a landmark, we dispersed to see some acts.
We started with Duo Tomlys, a silly trampoline and acrobatics duo that Ilea described as “the girl being bounced here madly expressing her love for the oblivious and idiotic guy. Too much sap for me.” I wasn’t struck by sap, but wasn’t drawn in by the act all that much.
Next were the marvelous Les Walkyries from Montreal. We were all impressing by their flamboyant explosion of whips, weapons, acrobatics, fire and attractive women. April was so enticed that my camera ended up with over 40 photos from their performance alone. We were all very smitten. They were definitely the highlight of this year’s performances for me.
Another act we enjoyed was Senmaru, a kimono-wearing demon of balancing. He spun and balanced many objects in impressive ways, declaring the cost of each breakable item before beginning. After each stunt he would exclaim, in his delightful accent, “It’s amazing!” He was quite an amusing character.
We also caught Alakazam, Chalkmaster Dave, and Silver Elvis, rounding out an afternoon we all enjoyed tremendously. The festival is wrapping up now, but I recommend checking it out next year if you have the chance.

After Buskers I visited Gwen before we both went with her mother to a concert by The Halifax String Quartet in The Music Room. I had never been to the venue before and was very impressed with the atmosphere and acoustics. It was an excellent performance, with pieces from Corelli, Dvorak, Britten, and Vivaldi. Through the magic of the blogosphere, I know I was not alone in thinking highly of the night’s performance. Gwen’s sister is the cellist of the quartet, so I was able to meet her after the performance for the first time, which was nice. Delicious food and drinks after the show closed out a tiring but enchanting day.

Friday, after spending more time with Gwen, April and I were picked up by her father and headed for Bridgewater. Our dear friend Wanda was to be married to Mark at Tomorrows Lounge there and April was a bridesmaid. We were both excited to be there for such a momentous day and to see Wanda again for the first time in months.
We arrived at the lounge and waited a short while, witnessing the setup, before Wanda arrived with Mark and some others involved in the wedding. From there we went to their home, which was cozy and a work in progress. It was my first time visiting Wanda in her natural habitat, and I was impressed by the large collection of Matrix posters.
There was a mad dash to prepare for the ceremony, with hair, cakes, and other things in need of last minute attention. Despite the dash, April commented that it was the most relaxed wedding she had ever been a part of.
The ceremony and the reception at the lounge were simple, beautiful and perfectly matched to the couple. Wanda was beautiful, with her wedding gown and hair in curls, while Mark was obviously free of pretense in his white jeans, t-shirt and open casual shirt. April and the other bridesmaids all looked gorgeous, as well.
It was a wonderful night overall. It was great to see Wanda so happy and to be part of such an unconventional (their wedding cake featured a fist and the words “Rock On!“) but perfectly fitting wedding. I have some photos up in a special Wanda’s Wedding album.

I’m writing from Gwen’s place, letting her sleep a while longer. I tend to be a night person, so our sleep schedules aren’t often synced. I don’t mind; It’s nice to be typing a bit in the early post-dawn hours.

Wednesday I met up with Jana and April to sign the lease for our new place and then ended up hanging out with them, Sarah and Pam for a while. I have a most fantastic and pleasantly bizarre circle of friends (and beautiful too, as you can see in example of April and Pam in the above photo). September should be the start of an exciting year since I’ll have a great place to live and even better people around. Things are looking grand.

I’m hooked on Democracy! Democracy Player is an open source media player that grabs video feeds from the web and delivers them seamlessly to you, no matter what operating system you happen to be running (for me it’s Ubuntu). With the player I’ve found some great new content, with Geek Brief being one of my favourites, and keep up with shows like Ask a Ninja and Rocketboom. It’s my first source for video content now, and has left me enthusiastic for the future of free online video delivery.

Remember when I mentioned being about to fall in love with Silversun Pickups? I did and am listening to them now. I’m deeply impressed with this band, and not just for the nostalgic hit of the feel of music I love from the 90s. There’s an energy to this band that is very refreshing, a strength in the emotional pull and bone-stirring instrumentation. This is not to be missed.

Monday morning as I was walking home from work I spotted a doe and her two fawns on the sidewalk ahead of me. I was surprised to see them and again when I was able to walk past them as they stood unafraid beside me. It was a magical moment and brightened my morning.

It’s been a nice few days. Friday night I had a visit from April and Gwen at work, which was a pleasant surprise. Then the next morning I went for a pancake and coffee breakfast with Gwen at the Ardmore Tea Room. We spent some time at my place before she left and I slept. A couple hours later I was viewing apartments with April and Jana, finally selecting a nice three bedroom flat with skylights. We should be signing the lease Tuesday morning. Before heading to work I spent some time with Gwen again at her place. Time with Gwen makes me terribly happy, and April and Jana are rather fantastic in their own rights, and should prove to me marvelous roommates (April already is, of course), so I was content.

Lately Tonglen has been a focus of my meditation practice, a very sharp and direct way to foster compassion. Essentially, it is taking on the suffering of others or a single other person and sending out one’s own happiness, blessings and love. When I open most directly to this, the pain is excruciating, but my equanimity in the face of that is greater. It’s a paradox that, as we become more awakened, we feel things far more powerfully, both the painful and the blissful, but are bothered less by them. For more about this, including a eloquent quote from Ken Wilber, see my “Bothered Less, Taking Stock” entry.

Over five years ago I began keeping my first online journal, an activity I never expected to become so popular and pervasive. I believe it’s a positive movement as a whole, but looking back, I don’t think I offered much of value in those early days, and lots of newcomers are no doubt in the same boat. It’s a bit of an embarrassment, really, to look back and see the inane posts of my youth. But here we are, wiser and more discerning, I hope.
Gwen was reading through my old entries from 2001 last night, she told me Saturday orning at breakfast. Around this time that year, I had posted a lot of questions and answers, as those were the popular things to be filling blogs with in those days. She suggested I answer them again and share. I’m very thankful that LOLs have been phased out of my online vocabulary, as my old answers were fulled with them. So here my new answers are, in full silly glory.

Which of these abilities would you rather lose: ability to see color or ability to hear music? Colour, undoubtably, because music and vocal communicatio are so important to me.

Would you be upset if you lost everything you have saved on your computer? Five years ago I answered that I would be, but today I keep very little important data only on my computer’s hard drive. Now backups, network and online storage and other places house the information I want to save.

Do you think your cholesterol is too high?: I’d say no, because I strive to eat well.

If you find out you’re about to die in five minutes, is there one person who you would want to spend those last five minutes with? I love many people tremendously, so it would be a very difficult decision, but I would choose Gwen.

Would you rather be a piano virtuoso, or have a perfect body?: I’d love to be a piano virtuoso.

Have you ever seen a ghost?: I haven’t.

Bugs Bunny or Daffy Duck?: Bugs.

Do you flirt or are you flirted with?: I rarely flirt. In fact, I think I’d be terribly inept at it if I consciously tried to. I am flirted with more often than I could expect.

Have you ever had sexual fantasies about someone you hate?: I can honestly say I have no memory of ever doing that.

Which would you rather see: two men kissing or two women kissing?: Definitely two women. I just don’t find men pleasing to look at.

If a lion and a bear fought to the death, which would win?: I imagine the lion would win because of its speed.

Would you prefer to be an angel or a fairy?: Being an angel would likely be a better option.

Would you accept a much less enjoyable job that pays twice what you earn now? Definitely not. I’m content working this job for now and live comfortably.

Should backyard wrestling be banned? I stand by my old assertion that “it’s good population control.”

Are you self-conscious about dancing at parties/clubs? I very rarely dance, so I suppose I am.

Are you addicted to sex? As wonderful as it is, I don’t have any feelings even approaching addicition toward it.

Do you ever just stand outside in the rain? I do sometimes, but I prefer walking in the rain.

Do you prefer the look of pants or skirts on women? I like skirts quite a lot, but both can be very pleasing, depending on the woman wearing them.

Ever heard of ketchup chips? I rather enjoy them, actually.

Do you think body hair on men’s behinds is attractive? No, not at all.

Have you ever sewed yourself a piece of clothing? I have, actually, and am hoping to make a blanket soon.

Is it moral to breed lower life forms to do menial work for us? That’s definitely unsavoury.

More fun: High School or Elementary School? High School was more fun for me, but that’s in large part because I was bullied during elementary school.

Is the United States too welcoming of outsiders? I certainly don’t believe so. If anything, the prevalent ethnocentrism is a disgusting hinderance to the health of that nation.

Garfield or Snoopy? Definitely Snoopy.

What do you think of this business idea: rather than a chalkboard at school, each classroom is equipped with a huge computer board? My original answer was “my dad’s elementary school already has it.” It seems to work well, especially for people with allergies.

Who has the more convincing hair piece: William Shatner or Ted Danson? Ted’s is easily more convincing.

Do violent films make people violent? No, though people prone to violence may be drawn to violent films.

Have you seen God before? I’ve experienced Godhead, but it was not an especially visual experience.

Better Tim Burton movie: Batman or Edward Scissorhands? Edward Scissorhands.

Did you get accepted to your first choice college? Yes, and each of the others I applied to.

Does real love exist? Absolutely.

Java: computer programming language or coffee? Both.

Have you ever made love in water? If showers count, yes. Otherwise not yet.

Are you sick of hearing people refer to themselves as ‘pimps’? Yes, it’s very sad.

As a child, were you influenced to purchase a particular cereal because of the prize in the box? I’m sure I was, though I can’t think of any in particular.

Do you actually want to be a princess? Not so much.

Mounds or Almond Joy? Mounds

Should stay-at-home moms be given the same benefits as people who contribute to society by working outside the home? Sure, provided there is a real benefit to their children. Fathers should have the same recognition.

Do you eat cereal for breakfast? I rarely do.

Are you currently looking for a new job? No, but I’m considering some other work that may increase my income.

Do Bugs Bunny’s disguises fool you when he puts on a hat to hide his true identity? I’ll stick with my original response, “Totally. He’s a master of disguises.”

Do you like certain bands/musical artists because they can dance well? Not at all, honestly.

What are you better at: reading or writing? I can read at an advanced level (I do read academic books for fun), but my writings skills need a good deal of polish.

Has a perfect stranger ever come up to you and complimented you on something? Yeah, it happens surprisingly often.

If you could kill a public official (your choice) and have it blaimed on somebody you hate, would you? It’s tempting, but I think I would choose not to.

Big boobs or big brains? Brains, absolutely. Breasts aren’t an important piece of how I’m attracted to someone, and large ones can actually be very unappealing.

The time you start doing your Christmas present-buying for other people: Before or After December 11th? Usually before.

Beavis & Butthead or King of the Hill? King of the Hill is better by far.

Do you think under-age teens should be allowed the pleasure of sex as long as they use birth control pills and condoms? I think there’s little that could be done to stop under-age sex, but I’m not sure there any benefit to condoning it.

What would you rather loose: your sense of smell or taste? The two are so tied together it would be a tough choice. I think I’d opt for smell, though.

Cuddle and kissing, or sex and kissing? Why limit it to just two? Cuddling and sex are both glorious, but I think I’d choose cuddling because it’s a more universally pleasing experience.

Are you in better shape now than a year ago? Absolutely. I feel in better shape year after year.

Do you prefer women to wear makeup or au naturel? Au naturel. I’d rather someone shine from their self than from gunk on their face.

Would you contribute your story to a book about people with your particular perversion? If I knew what that might be, sure. I think my perversion is more general than particular.

Have you ever stood up a date? No, I tend to make it clear if I would rather not see someone from the start.

Have you ever stopped and said ‘umm crap it’s due TODAY’? Quite often during my time in university.

Do you play hackey sack? No, and when I did I was terrible.

Would you date your sibling’s girl/boy friend after they had been broken up? No, especially since they would be male and I’m not so into that.

Have you ever used medication to help you fall asleep? No, though I’ve made use of binaural beats for that.

Do you feel the recent outlash of violence in schools is due to the hunter-gatherer mentality living in a consumer world? No, that is a far too simplistic view of the situation, though conflict between developmental stages is absolutely vital to the problem.

When you were a kid did you ever dream that you would marry a pop star? I don’t believe so, though I had a huge crush on Lisa Loeb.

Is there anyone in the world who actually hates you? I hope not, though there likely is someone I’m not aware of.

Have you ever flown first class? No, I’ve actually never flown.

When wiping after using the toilet, do you stand or squat? I do both, depending on the situation.

Do you cheat during exams? I never have.

Friends or Simpsons? The Simpsons edge Friends out just slightly.

Feel like going on vacation somewhere sunny and warm? Sure.

Do you know why you park in a driveway and drive in a parkway? Yes to both, obviously.

Have you ever been skydiving? Not yet.

Would you rather learn gymnastics or martial arts? I’d definitely choose a martial art.

Do you think rap is just a bunch of guys trying to act tough? Mostly it is, but there are some truly bright lights in the hip hop world such as Saul Williams, Buck 65 and Sage Francis.

Do you often fight with your significant other? No, I can’t remember having fights with anyone I’ve dated and I haven’t had any real conflict with Gwen.

Do you think that the Anthrax thing is going to wipe out the US? It certainly didn’t. Some biological weapons could cause much more damage, though.

Did you build your own computer? No, it was made by the folks at Dell.

Do you own any leopard print clothing? Nope, though I did once have leopard skin handcuffs.

Would you sooner kill a deer or a dog? I don’t imagine I could do either, but deer seem like a less conscious animal so I would likely choose on that basis.

Would you allow yourself to be abducted by aliens? No. If they asked nicely I might go along, though.

Do you think Americans are more negative or positive toward Canadians? I’d say it’s generally a neutral stance, though I’ve known Americans who have been entirely enamoured with Canada or rather disdainful of it.

Do you know both of your parents? I do.

Are you shy? I can be at times, but I’ve thankfully moved away from my introversion a lot in recent years.

Would you rather be rich or smart? I would rather remain smart than lose that for wealth.

Were you spanked? No.

Do you have bad eyesight? Not especially bad, though I am a bit nearsighted.

Do you have cable? No, and I have no want for that.

Do you remember the Centurians? Yes! I even had the toys of Max Ray and Depth Charger.

Do you avoid seeing yourself in mirrors? Never.

Are you omnivorous? Nope, I’m vegetarian.

Have you ever been so happy it made you cry? Of course.

Love or Lust? Love, absolutely. Lustful love is even better, though.

Do you sleep in the buff? Always.

Have you ever taken advantage of someone who was intoxicated? I think I need to keep my old answer of, “No, but they’ve tried to take advantage of me while I was sober.”

Does your family own a cabin? Yes, if you count the building where we make maple products.

Hot dog or hamburger? I prefer burgers, but vegetarian ones.

Do you know stuff about your siblings that could get them in serious trouble? Not now, but I’ve had my share of blackmail material in the past, as has Ilea.

If you got married (or are married) and your spouse cheated on you then confessed tearfully and asked you for forgiveness, would you forgive and move on or would you find it really hard to go back to loving this person? I’m sure I could forgive someone, but not sure I would want to remain in a marriage with someone who would offer a betrayal of that sort.

Do you think smoking in movies should be banned? No, that seems very silly.

Do you prefer classic movies or modern day flicks? I prefer modern films in general.

Will you watch a movie just because it has your favorite star in it? I am a big Tuesday Weld fan, so I likely will watch all her films.

Is your foot asleep? No, I’m staying somewhat mobile here.

Belt or suspenders? I sometimes wear belts and never suspenders.

Would you rather act or direct? Directing would likely suit me better.

Have you ever been the victim of ageism? Likely so, but I can’t say I notice it much now.

Do you feel more like eating pizza or a burger right now? I actually wouldn’t mind either.

Do you think piercings are hot? They certainly can be, but not always.

Do you think ‘self-help’ books REALLY help? Some do, but many are rather weak.

Do your feet stink? I don’t think so, but I’m not about to check.

Are you chewing gum right now? No.

Do you pick out your outfit the night before you wear it? Not unless I have plans to go to a formal event.

Do you think pro wrestling is a sport? Yeah, it’s a performance sport, much like figure skating and gymnastics.

If your family could hear your thoughts, would they still love you? I believe they would.

Are you feeling tired right now? Yeah, a little.

Do you prefer to be around men or women? I almost always prefer to be around women. Most of my closest friends happen to be female.

Would you not marry the person you love because he/her is not of your race? Absolutely not.

Would you rather have more or less sexual partners than you have had in your life? I think I’d be content with the number I’ve had.

Would you rather have your pants fall down in front of a group of people, or poop your patns behind a group of people? I think pants falling down would be the less unpleasant of the two for all involved.

Have you seen all four Star Wars films? Four? This one sure dates the questions. I’ve actually seen all six of the films.

Have you had a computer virus in the past month? No, using Ubuntu is a nice buffer from such things.

Have you ever cried for more than two straight hours? I have a number of times, but not in about a year.

Would you rather be stalked and harrassed by a deranged Elmo from Sesame Street or an insane Urkel from Family Matters? Elmo seems a bit less threatening.

Have you ever liked two guys/girls at once? Yes, almost always. I tended to have crushes on two girls who where best friends throughout my school years.

Did you know they made a sequal to the Wizard of Oz years ago? Yes, though I have yet to see it.

Betty or Veronica? Betty for personality, but Veronica for hair.

Do you believe in physics? Yes. Gravity is a good enough proof for me.

Do you spend more time on your computer or watching TV? I don’t watch TV at all, so definitely my computer.

Have you ever watched a game of water polo? No, though I imagine it’s at least as interesting as most other sports.

Would you rather be stranded on an island with a famous sex icon or a winner off of survivor? I think survival trumps sex appeal here.

Does everybody hate freshmen? I don’t think so. I didn’t.

Have you ever had sex in a weird place? Nowhere especially weird.

Do you laugh at people wearing neck braces? No. I guess my sense of humour isn’t refined enough.

Does this site feel like a wonderland? Mine? It’s pretty damn close, don’t you think?

Is Rain an okay name? Yes, I still think it’s a fantastic name.

Do you have asthma? I did when I was a kid.

Do you think cartoons should be kept simple, such as Flinstones instead of Japanamation? No, I think there’s room for the medium to have many styles.

Would you ever go out with your best friend’s brother/sister? I don’t think I’d have a problem with that, though none of the sisters of my best friends would be suitable.

One blue eye and one brown eye… cool or weird? I think that would be appealing, actually.

Brownies with nuts or without? Either way would be fine.

A while ago my sister Ilea took a photo of me with a bottle of Jones Soda, the finest soft drink you can find. Against my cringing disapproval, she posted it online. If you’re ready to see me grinning in a deranged way, look here.

This is shaping up to be a hectic month, filled with nebulous change. April, Jana and I are in the midst of looking for a place to live for September 1st, I’m making an attempt to sublet my current one bedroom apartment, it’s peak season at work (and I begin training someone new tonight), and through all this I’m trying to spend time with Gwen and my friends and work on some personal projects.
One of those personal projects will be getting around to making a new layout for FrozenTruth.com that has been delayed for months now. I’ve been terribly neglectful of that and my presence online in general for too long and I hope to reconnect in a number of ways soon.

With the Middle East ever more aflame with bitter conflict, it feels deeply troubling to me that few are calling for work to be done to raise the consciousness of the societies involved. While there are a large number of factors at play in these conflicts, it seems clear that much is connected with people on all sides acting from an ethnocentric level of development. Finding ways to encourage and make easier the transition from ethnocentric to worldcentric (and then on to higher levels) is the most fundamentally beneficial endevour we can undertake to create lasting peace and prosperity, whether in the Middle East, here in the Americas or anywhere. The level of consciousness we act from determines so very much that we should always strive to raise it. Over at Integral Awakening, Ryan has posted a piece that goes further into this issue than I have the time to give, so please take in “re: A Lament Over Lebanon“.