Tomorrow morning, before seeing to some matters involved with my search for employment, I’ll be going to cast my vote in the federal election (my very first chance to participate in federal politics). I’ve given a lot of thought to how I’ll be voting and discussed the election at great length with a number of people. I was given no reason to waver from my initial choice, and feel confident that my choice is the right one.
Those of you outside of Canada may not be aware that we’re at the end of one of the closest national races in recent memory. The Conservative party has made the right a real threat for the first time in a decade. The Liberal party, which has been in power for eleven years, has slipped in voter confidence because of mismanagement of funds and broken promises (among other complaints). Other than these two leading parties we have the NDP, a party which has the strongest environmental and social platform (I strongly believe it to also be the most sound overall) of the five parties expected to win seats in the election, the Bloc Quebecois, a regional party based in Quebec and in favour of that province leaving Canada, and the Green party, a small centrist party which has not yet held a seat (you should note that it is much less “green” than its name would suggest, with a poorer platform than the NDP in that field). It’s going to be a very close election, with the NDP or BQ expected to be holding the balance of power once the government returns to activity. It’s going to be an interesting and worrying time.
My vote will be for Alexa McDonough, the incumbent NDP candidate for my riding. She was national leader of the NDP from 1995 to 2003, the first woman to lead a recognized political party in Canada (1980, while she headed the NDP here in Nova Scotia) and is a former social worker. From what I know of her, she has represented us well. The NDP is the one party which I most agree with, and it’s fortunate they have someone running here with both the support of the community and the integrity to serve us well.

I think the conservatives pose a very grave threat to the future of Canada as a nation comitted to social good. They propose cutting taxes, raising spending on the military and cutting vital social programs. Most economic analysts are suggesting this will result in a fiscal deficit, something we haven’t seen here during Liberal rule. Should the conservatives ever gain power here I fear we will suffer damage similar to what has happened in the U.S.A. due to the conservative rule there.
It is my sincere hope that we can keep the conservatives from power. I’ve always been one to vote for the party that best represents my views, and I’m lucky that the choice is again clear for me in that respect. I wouldn’t advocate voting strategically in most elections. I feel it hinders democratic progress. Voting for the lesser of evils does not serve us in the long run. I would ask each Canadian who may read this, however, to seriously consider voting for the progressive candidate in your riding that has the best chance of winning and keeping the balance of power in the hands of people who recognize the need for a focus on social good. Above all, I urge you to vote. It is vital that you do so to keep our nation on a path that can lead us to a future we can have great hope and pride in realizing.

I write on actual paper quite rarely. Partly it’s because I strive to do all I can to conserve trees, and partly it’s because I find typing a more efficient way to record and share my words. Sometimes, especially in the wee hours of the morning, I do take out a pad of paper and jot down my thoughts. This is one selection from some time ago.

Three-thirty non-slumber abounds. Memories and hopes I hold in my mind, but worry and doubt are the weeds choking them always. Perhaps a cursive recording will help the positive seeds take root.
My ideal life isn’t grand or impossible, it’s something I can have hope in. I do have moments where vast plans do appeal to me, but consistantly I return o hope that someday my simple dream could become a reality. Recording the dream may be a good place to begin.
I want to create a community of those dearest to me. I have people in my life who I believe are extraordinary friends. I think that to connect them and form a compassionate community with a sort of creativity and diversity of personaliy as are found in my truest friends would be completely wonderful. Yes, distance and some differences would prove to be obsticles, but the resulting connections would be so valuable and rewarding that it would be worth any effort.
Wandering would be another element of my dream, and also a key to implementing community. I’m always filled with wanderlust. Not only do I wish to experience new places and their peoples, but I strongly want to visit those I love who are scattered across the world. To experience the world and enjoy the company of wonderfulpeople would be the most rewarding thing for me to do other than helping others.
In order to habe both the community and the ability to wander, I would like to have some of my dear friends as traveling companions, perhaps only for short periods. With others to share discoveries with I would feel the act of wandering would be doing more good. Also, having a network of support would be beneficial to each of us. We’d be a roving band of true-hearted fools.

One of the most hyped services on the web recently has been Gmail, a new e-mail service provided by Google, the undisputed ruler of internet searching. There has been plenty of overhyping and paranoia spreading about the service, and there seems to be confusion about what exactly the service is offering other than 1 GB (1000 MB) of storage. When I received an invitation to try the service from Dan I approached it with an open mind and caution.
Gmail takes conventional e-mail and improves on some of the flaws inherent in it. E-mail has gone mostly unchanged in functionality (other than spam blocking technology, which is still hugely flawed) in recent years. The most exciting thing about the introduction of Gmail is a new e-mail race, that should increase innovation in the field.

Conventional e-mail is usually difficult to archive, either because of web-based storage limits or because of the effort required to manually file our correspondence in whatever desktop environment we choose to use. Gmail remedies the archiving problem by allowing users to label all e-mails in user set categories (for instance, all Live Journal comments that are sent to me end up classified as LJ once I have finished with them) and by keeping conversations grouped together. Each e-mail saved on Gmail is also searchable, so that the user can find old e-mails they require info from at any time. The Gmail feature that makes this all posible is the 1 GB storage limit, which allows messages to be stored indefinitely.
Critics of Gmail have focused on the presence of ads in the web-based interface (which is already easy to bypass with a Windows program, Pop Goes The GMail) and the method of choosing those ads. Much like Google’s search engine, the mail interface chooses text-only ads most relevant to the messages you are viewing (the server where your mail is stored scans through your mail to find keywords). Privacy groups have called this a danger, but it may in fact be of great benefit for users. Anonymous, relevant ad placement not only makes ads less inconvenient by increasing the chance they may be of use to the target, but is a welcome change from the popup ads, banner ads and ads inserted directly into e-mails by many major free e-mail services. Google is quite clear in its privacy policy that no outside parties will have access to your e-mails and that Google itself will not view your messages unless there is a legal requirement for such an action.
So far I’m very impressed with Gmail. I have some minor complaints about the grouping of conversations (some e-mails were grouped in error) and the lack of built in POP3 support, but for a testing service it’s wonderfully impressive. Gmail is far superior to other free e-mail services, and should improve over time. It’ll be worth leaving Hotmail and Yahoo for, certainly.

I’m perched on an old stump at the top of a rocky cliff. After following up on some job hunt related leads I made my way here to Point Pleasant Park. It’s breezy now, but clouds have just recently filled the sky to dull what was earlier a too warm afternoon. I’m being bitten by mosquitos for the first time in many months, and it’s almost welcome.
When I entered the park I decided to follow one of the paths which is covered in mulch, rather than the gravel paths which seem more frequented by the casual walker. When I walk, I often glance around the ground in hope that I’ll find a discarded item of man or nature. Today I came across a crow’s feather at the foot of an easy path up this cliff. I followed it, entertaining the notion that the feather was some marker left for me. It’s often rewarding to slip into a belief there’s some guiding messenger out there. I’m content with my vantage point, at least.
This park has become a haven of sorts for me in this past month. With frustration mounting and a sense of stagnation about the apartment, I’ve needed a natural area to find strength and calm in. Rocky coasts and forests are the places that feel the most like home to me, and always have been. This park, which has both coast and forest, is the place most like a home to me in all the city.
Below me on the path I’ve seen several people walking past, though few notice me in turn. I wonder if there are people off the path, or even on it that I’ve missed. I make an effort to be aware of the world around me, but I feel there is still a hole in my vision, that I’m missing out on important experiences or ways I could help others in simple ways. Most of us become disinterested with the world around, for whatever reasons, but even when we strive to be aware there’s too much stimulus to take in more than a fraction of what is to be felt and learned.
To me, that’s where the value of art and study have some of the greatest benefit. By filling in some of the gaps in our experience and understanding with art and shared knowledge we enable ourselves to increase our awareness. At least in my own life, important change has often happened because I experienced art which allowed me to have a second hand experience or insight.
Few people in urban settings have access to undisturbed nature. Most of us are lucky to have trees on our streets, perhaps a yard with vegetation, and a nearby park with cultivated plants. These plants are the pieces of nature man has coaxed and forced into art. They form reminders of the greater works of nature found in places man has not intruded upon. We should all be thankful for any purity of nature we have access to. That there is a place as intact as this park (even though it was damaged by a great hurricane) only an hour’s walk from my dwelling is so rewarding and fortunate.
I leave now to continue through the park, to enjoy some solitude before these darkening clouds give off their rain. I’ll remember this seat off the path and keep it as a regular stopping point. It has provided me with a spot to meditate, reflect and understand.

In March of 2003, Sam Shalabi of Shalabi Effect and many other projects released Osama, self-described “protest music about arabophobia in a Post 9-11 World”. Using his given name (Sam is a shortening of Osama) as the title, he presents an auto-biographical album that responds to the difficulties he faced during the year following September 11, 2001. He avoids both agenda and self-aggrandizement to present an honest and challenging work.
Osama is quite unlike Sam’s work with Shalabi Effect, for which he is best known. It draws more on hard rock inspiration and its forward and crisp instrumentations are striking. There’s a great sense of motion to this album, of discussion and progression.

The opening track, “The Wherewithall”, contains jarring vocalizations that speak of torment and fear, which, in my interpretation, stands as an expression of the abuse of Arab peoples. It continues on into a climax of wrenching screams with the rising of musical motion that is unsettling and potent. The denouement is entered with melodic humming but returns to the unnerving voices and final burst of instrumentation.
“Mid-east Tour Diary (2002)” introduces clear spoken word in a dialogue telling of some personal experiences of Mr. Shalabi. His emergence from depression and hatred to understanding and love was honest and distinctly emotional. The closing statements are especially striking in their insistance on optimism and plans to end troubles faced by the world.
“D?r El-Bahri From the Air” contains melodic vocals and the greatest pop element of the album. The guitar work is uplifting and the drums accent this. The lyrics, however, are notably of protest and serve as a rallying cry for actions of change.
“Shitmobile, U.S.A.” presents a slightly tedious conversation between a man and a woman which seems to be about dealing with the recent tragedies. The backgound improvisation joins this with sobbing, possibly due to a beating, an interesting dynamic inserted before returning to the conversation, which speaks of connecting and finding positives amid the chaos.
The closing track, “Guantanamo Bay” contains both a gentle song and a harsher instrumentation that is very stirring. It’s a contrast that is both impressively minimal as a piece and indicative of the duality of the album as a whole.
Osama is less direct and clear than what one might expect from a protest album. The personal nature and wonderful musicianship make it very rewarding and moving in a way that is not present in much of modern music. This is an overlooked and extremely relevant work worthy of the effort it will take to find it.

I recently watched Grave of the Fireflies (known as Hotaru no haka in Japan), an anime film set in WWII Japan. It was a truly sorrowful movie with poignant storytelling rarely displayed in animation or film in general. The story followed a young man and his younger sister as he struggled to keep from her the pain of the war and loss of their family members as well as the more pressing trouble of starvation. A bleak and realistic protrayal of war from a civilian perspective, it also served as a warning against pride, as Seita’s pride in part cost his sister her life. Take heed that this film may cause tears, but seek it out, for it is an example of fine storytelling.

From the local library I borrowed the documentary Crumb, which explores the life of Robert Crumb, an influential and controversial comics creator, writer and artist who became an icon of the underground comics movement of the 1960′s. Mr. Crumb is a complex and unusual man who is driven by obsessions and a rather bizarre life to create powerful visions of each. The documentary clearly showed the causes of Crumb’s obsessions and the roots of his abnormalities. It was a facinating and disturbing look at the psychology of his family, who all had deep spiritual wounds.

Earlier I also borrowed the two volumes of The Tibetan Book of the Dead (“A Way of Life” and “The Great Liberation”), a documentary production of the National Film Board of Canada. It was a facinating explaination of the Buddhist faith and its approach to death and reincarnation. Very human stories were told along with protrayals of the mystical elements of the process of dying, which created an effective blend. Both a learning experience and a touching story, this is certainly worthy of searching for if you have any interest in Buddhism.

In the evenings I’ve been working on restoring an old computer that Nathan, my roommate, recently acquired. It has a PII 200MHz processor with 32 mb of RAM, a 10 GB hard drive and no LAN modem. After thinking about what we could use the computer for, I decided to make it into a jukebox for the living room. Having a means to listen to music while cooking, cleaning and doing other activities in the area around the living room would certainly be welcomed by all of us.
I slaved over it (much like an oven, old computers tend to give off a lot of heat, which added to the already humid and hot environment this apartment has become) for quite a while trying to install various versions of Linux. After a couple days of this I was provided with a replacement CD drive that allowed me to finally accomplish that. I installed Damn Small Linux, a distro that takes up a mere 50 mb and features a built in media player (as well as programs for web browsing, word processing, e-mail checking, image editing, instant messaging, spreadsheet creating, PDF reading, gaming and more).
The current obsticle is setting up the soundcard, which seems to be a rather stubborn chip to configure. It is, however, the last step in making the computer able to take on the role I intend it for. I’m holding hope that I’ll be able to figure out how to get it working and transform the box from a CD and Tetris playing device into a music dispensing tool.
The case of this computer is rather bland and unappealing. When I have the resources I would like to do a case mode to make it look like an actual jukebox. While I would not attempt anything as grand as this jukebox project (or of that style), I think it would be a great challenge and learning experience to attempt to create a case that looks akin to this. I have no experience in case modding, and my artistic skills are limited, but it would be an exciting project.

I’ve been wandering in the underworld for the past eight days. It’s a far too easy place to become lost in. Full of shadows and empty of hope, it’s quite joyless and draining. It is, however, sometimes necessary to travel through to accomplish our goals. I should have at least heeded Poe‘s wisdom and remembered that “No one should brave the underworld alone.”
The arduous trials of gaining employment have frustrated me for a long time and have reached a peak that has left me in what has seemed a hopeless state. While still striving to accomplish my goal, I gave in to quite a potent depression. Failure after sincere and prolonged effort is the most devastating kind, because it does not seem to be a learning experience of the same type that a failure brought about by lack of effort or commitment. I question and alter my techniques regularly, and am always hoping that I’ll find the right combination. I’ve not yet succeeded, obviously.
I took myself into hiding for a while, limiting communication and focusing my productive time mostly on my hunt. This only compounded my frustration by giving me little outlet to express and release it. The depression became cyclical, each day building up.
A few sacred lights helped guide me to the surface. Art and friendships were, as always, the beacons that came to me. Like gifts from the Greek god of my namesake, Apollo, each helped illuminate points of reason and healing I could follow.
The work of art which gave me the most inspiration to reemerge from the underworld was one which I was unable to directly experience. My dear friend Wanda currently has my copy of Mark Z. Danielewski’s House of Leaves, so I relied on memory of the stories, the companion book The Whalestoe Letters and Poe‘s sibling album Haunted. House of Leaves is a masterwork, imbued with layered meaning and triggers for personal exploration. Poe‘s work is healing and likewise conducive of growth. As works that focus on recognizing fears and facing them, they have helped me to regain the resolve to do the same with my own.
Several dear friends were welcome listeners and comforts near the end of my traversal of this depression. Friendships and a sense of community are the most powerful things we can surround ourselves with, and I berate myself when I lose sight of that. I’m endlessly grateful for true friends who are always helpful in times like this and forgiving of my absences from our channels of communication.
I’m mending my collection of brokenness in light now. I have hope and I’m seeking a sense of optimism that still eludes me. It’ll be a difficult path, but one I’m ready to return to and not stray from.

I’ve been working to find a number of books to add to my collection for some time now. I’ve been able to acquire most of the books I’ve been seeking, but the few that follow have either eluded me or been out of my price range at the moment. If anyone can find them locally (Halifax, Nova Scotia), I’d like to know where you’ve seen them.

Books to find:
Jo Clayton – The Magic Wars (Wild Magic, No 3)
Charles de Lint – A Circle of Cats
Charles de Lint – A Handful of Coppers
Charles de Lint – Mulengro
Charles de Lint – The Road to Lisdoonvarna
Charles de Lint – The Riddle of the Wren
Tanya Huff – Relative Magic
Tanya Huff – What Ho, Magic!
Tanya Huff – Quarters 3: No Quarter
Tanya Huff – Quarters 4: The Quartered Sea
Tanya Huff – The Better Part of Valor
Naomi Kritzer – Fires of the Faithful
Naomi Kritzer – Turning the Storm

Read but not owned:
Charles de Lint – The Dreaming Place
Jack Kerouac – Book of Dreams
Ross Laird – Grain of Truth
Irene Radford – The Dragon Nimbus 2: The Perfect Princess
Craig Thompson – Blankets

In October of 2003 I read A Stone’s Throw by Ross Laird. Enthused by that wonderful book, I had searched for Mr. Laird’s previous release locally for months. Even with that prolonged anticipation and expectation, I was not at all let down when I finally was able to read it.
Ross Laird‘s Grain of Truth: The Ancient Lessons of Craft is an exciting look at creativity and craft. Through each chapter he details a different woodcraft project and the broader meaning to be found in creative endeavours. Rooted in Taoism and his own experiences, his insight is rewarding and filled with a sense of sincerity.
This book employs a wonderful economy of language. More than most writers, Mr. Laird has a skill at striking a balance between minimalism and deft expression. I very much appreciate how fluidly the book unfolds. Not once did I feel the text was too slow or sparse, and I was always compelled to read on by the revelations and joy of a well written text.
I have limited knowledge of woodworking (only what I was able to gain from three courses in juniour high and from family members and friends), but I didn’t feel as uninformed as I truly am while reading Grain of Truth. Mr. Laird’s humility and thoroughness without lecturing is refreshing for such a book. He takes care to explain the purpose of each stage of his projects, and allows the reader to feel involved in each of them beyond a technical examination, into the deeply personal realm of mystery and discovery that creative acts impart.
There’s a wealth of knowledge and enthusiasm to be found in Grain of Truth. Artists, hobbyists and searchers of a creative outlet will all find this book to be an exciting companion to their own creative efforts. Such an exceptional work should not be overlooked.